These are things I wish I had known before I started high school. High school was super duper rough but it taught me so. Much. It was horrible and amazing and beautiful and ugly all at once. Getting to college took so freaking long but I made it!
Here are the biggest lessons I learned which (hopefully) can be good advice for anyone who's still making that trek through the hardest 4 years:
Here are the biggest lessons I learned which (hopefully) can be good advice for anyone who's still making that trek through the hardest 4 years:
1. Don't immediately assume cruel intent.
Even if others don't do it for you (which can hurt a lot) please don't assume that someone had the worst intentions. 95% of the time they did not do it to hurt you. This was the biggest lesson I learned in high school because it goes hand-in-hand with sensitivity. I'm an extremely sensitive, emotional person even when I appear on the outside to be cold or aggressive. Trust me, on the inside I'm a big ball of over-analyzation. Not taking things so personally is one of the hardest things for me to learn to do but I've gotten so much better at it. Yes, it can really hurt when someone doesn't reply to a text, doesn't seem to care when you share what you thought was exciting news, etc. It's inconsiderate for sure but be honest with yourself - are they really trying to hurt you intentionally? And when I'm honest with myself I realize that I can do it to other people on my worst days or during my worst moments. Sometimes people just are who they are, bad and good, and you shouldn't hold a grudge for that. Expel away that negative energy, leave them alone, and glow up! 
2. No one really cares if you don't go to the party.
If they do care and give you a hard time for it, don't hang out with them because they don't have your best interest at heart.
3. Even if it's hard, it is perfectly okay to realize that someone should no longer be in your life.
Chances are, if you feel they are not feeding your soul, then you most likely aren't feeding theirs either. Let go and move on because you'll both be better off in the end. And who's to say you will never be able to casually hang out again someday? Friends are NEVER a with-us-or-against-us situation. NEVER let ANYONE make you feel like they are.
4. Understand the pros and cons of social media - control it, not the other way around.
Now that I've had time away from high school and have taken lots of time away from social media, I'm not half as hooked to my phone as I once was. Put down your phone and freaking look up at what you're doing, where you are, who you are. Having social media platforms is okay as long as you realize the repercussions. They are all created with the exact goal of keeping you on them. Furthermore, I always found Instagram and Snapchat to be a reminder of the events that my friends are at and I am not. You don't have to know what everyone is doing 24/7 and they don't need to know what you're doing either. At a beautiful restaurant? Out with a beautiful friend? Great! Snap one pic on your camera if necessary, put your phone anyway, and enjoy it now. Post later. Be that mysterious ghost girl on weekends.
5. Self-care means unfollowing someone if it makes you feel shitty.
If someone - an ex, a toxic friend/person, anybody - posting a photo of themselves with other people makes you feel horrible then unfollow them immediately. Why put yourself through that kind of pain? If they ask you about it, remind them how superficial followers are in the first place. Unfollowing is not a direct attack and has much more to do with you than them. Let yourself have that.
6. Be proud of the work - creative or academic - that you've done even if your friends/family are less than enthusiastic.
Revel in the small victories in life.
7. Let yourself be a cliché sometimes.
My best memories of high school are ones where I drove around with my friends blasting music and singing on the highway, where we ordered pizza and watched rom coms, where I stayed home from school and painted all day, where I prank called boys during sleepovers. Allow yourself those hilariously cute moments. (If your friends think these things are stupid but it's what you like to do for fun, find new people to hang with).
8. Learn to be alone.
Alone is not inherently bad. This is a skill you will need for the rest of your life. If you're good at it, you will save yourself plenty of heartache.
9. Get to know your teachers.
They are people, too. In high school, I would take time to email my favorite English teachers class-related articles/podcasts/websites I found interesting and I think they respected me more in the classroom because of it. Reach out to them and they will not only appreciate it, but be more likely to cut you some slack when you really need it.
10. It's perfectly okay to drink/smoke/have sex and perfectly okay not to.
Just make sure that whatever you do, you're safe and are not letting it affect you during any part of your life when you aren't actively doing that thing. I was a total square™ in high school and spent way too much valuable time wondering if I was a weird teenager for not being into it. Just be you and rock it. It's really enough.
11. It will feel sometimes - especially if you're a sensitive, introverted type like I am - that all boys (or girls!) are looking at everyone except you.
You are complete and whole without a significant other. There is no need to worry even when it feels like everyone is leaving you behind. Life isn't like that, you know? It's not so black and white. Life doesn't switch to rose-colored overnight with just that person, that place, that thing. Let those fantasies go. They aren't real. Become the person you would ideally fall in love with and fall in love with yourself. Someone special will come around and when they do come you will already be cool.
12. People will hurt you and not mean to.
Accept this as an unfortunate part of life. Things happen and you can only control how you react.
13. Don't let a boy pressure you into jackshit.
14. Get a guy pal if you can manage it so you have someone to go to when you're just so sick of girls.
My high school guy friend I already know is going to be one of my lifelong confidantes. He's someone I could call at night and rant to for an hour and vice-versa. Love that guy.
15. If a boy doesn't make a move, doesn't seem to care when you're with other boys or that you're in the same room as him or on the same planet as him, doesn't care that you're still out in the dating pool waiting and it has been a while then he does not like you.
He's just not that into you. It's heartbreaking and it's one of the hardest lessons but the sooner you realize that you care more about him than he does about you the faster you can move on to better, brighter things. This guy will not matter in a year or two, maybe even less. Trust me. See #5.
16. Address people by their names from time to time.
Just slip it into the end of a sentence. I have no clue what it does to the human psyche but it always make someone feel better. Whenever someone says "____, Kayleigh" I feel quite present and validated. Bonus is that this can double as a flirting technique; When you've got a crush or someone you're kind of into, the sound of them saying your name is such a great feeling. So go ahead and make someone's day.
17. Reach out to people you like that you don't normally hang out with.
Some of my best conversations were with girls who weren't my go-to friends. When I had problems or wanted to get away, it was really great to text someone from a totally different friend group (who I was in a club/group/class with and had a good rapport with) and invite them out to lunch with me. If they're comfortable around you and vice-versa, it'll be super fun and you'll get your mind off of whatever is wrong. Plus you can ask them questions about any problems they have and they can unload/vent back at you. (And, if you're like me, you'll enjoy getting the juicy gossip about people you barely know). Reach out to the lost people, too. I've had such good interactions with people I was friends with back in middle school and we can still talk like almost nothing has changed.
18. Work on your relationships with your parents.
They're here for you even when you feel like they despise you. They probably love you more than anything else they know/have. They were teenagers too once even if they don't remember it sometimes.
19. Everyone embarrasses themselves.
You'll screw up. You'll say stupid stuff to your crush. You'll trip over a shoelace. Sometimes it helps to pretend your life is a sitcom just so that you can laugh at yourself and not feel so much shame over something so silly. Laugh! Humiliation is a happy part of teendom. Plus they'll make great stories one day.
That's all I can think of! If you're reading this, you'll survive. College is just around the corner.
L
2. No one really cares if you don't go to the party.
If they do care and give you a hard time for it, don't hang out with them because they don't have your best interest at heart.
3. Even if it's hard, it is perfectly okay to realize that someone should no longer be in your life.
Chances are, if you feel they are not feeding your soul, then you most likely aren't feeding theirs either. Let go and move on because you'll both be better off in the end. And who's to say you will never be able to casually hang out again someday? Friends are NEVER a with-us-or-against-us situation. NEVER let ANYONE make you feel like they are.
4. Understand the pros and cons of social media - control it, not the other way around.
Now that I've had time away from high school and have taken lots of time away from social media, I'm not half as hooked to my phone as I once was. Put down your phone and freaking look up at what you're doing, where you are, who you are. Having social media platforms is okay as long as you realize the repercussions. They are all created with the exact goal of keeping you on them. Furthermore, I always found Instagram and Snapchat to be a reminder of the events that my friends are at and I am not. You don't have to know what everyone is doing 24/7 and they don't need to know what you're doing either. At a beautiful restaurant? Out with a beautiful friend? Great! Snap one pic on your camera if necessary, put your phone anyway, and enjoy it now. Post later. Be that mysterious ghost girl on weekends.
5. Self-care means unfollowing someone if it makes you feel shitty.
If someone - an ex, a toxic friend/person, anybody - posting a photo of themselves with other people makes you feel horrible then unfollow them immediately. Why put yourself through that kind of pain? If they ask you about it, remind them how superficial followers are in the first place. Unfollowing is not a direct attack and has much more to do with you than them. Let yourself have that.
6. Be proud of the work - creative or academic - that you've done even if your friends/family are less than enthusiastic.
Revel in the small victories in life.
7. Let yourself be a cliché sometimes.
My best memories of high school are ones where I drove around with my friends blasting music and singing on the highway, where we ordered pizza and watched rom coms, where I stayed home from school and painted all day, where I prank called boys during sleepovers. Allow yourself those hilariously cute moments. (If your friends think these things are stupid but it's what you like to do for fun, find new people to hang with).
8. Learn to be alone.
Alone is not inherently bad. This is a skill you will need for the rest of your life. If you're good at it, you will save yourself plenty of heartache.
9. Get to know your teachers.
They are people, too. In high school, I would take time to email my favorite English teachers class-related articles/podcasts/websites I found interesting and I think they respected me more in the classroom because of it. Reach out to them and they will not only appreciate it, but be more likely to cut you some slack when you really need it.
10. It's perfectly okay to drink/smoke/have sex and perfectly okay not to.
Just make sure that whatever you do, you're safe and are not letting it affect you during any part of your life when you aren't actively doing that thing. I was a total square™ in high school and spent way too much valuable time wondering if I was a weird teenager for not being into it. Just be you and rock it. It's really enough.
11. It will feel sometimes - especially if you're a sensitive, introverted type like I am - that all boys (or girls!) are looking at everyone except you.
You are complete and whole without a significant other. There is no need to worry even when it feels like everyone is leaving you behind. Life isn't like that, you know? It's not so black and white. Life doesn't switch to rose-colored overnight with just that person, that place, that thing. Let those fantasies go. They aren't real. Become the person you would ideally fall in love with and fall in love with yourself. Someone special will come around and when they do come you will already be cool.
12. People will hurt you and not mean to.
Accept this as an unfortunate part of life. Things happen and you can only control how you react.
13. Don't let a boy pressure you into jackshit.
14. Get a guy pal if you can manage it so you have someone to go to when you're just so sick of girls.
My high school guy friend I already know is going to be one of my lifelong confidantes. He's someone I could call at night and rant to for an hour and vice-versa. Love that guy.
15. If a boy doesn't make a move, doesn't seem to care when you're with other boys or that you're in the same room as him or on the same planet as him, doesn't care that you're still out in the dating pool waiting and it has been a while then he does not like you.
He's just not that into you. It's heartbreaking and it's one of the hardest lessons but the sooner you realize that you care more about him than he does about you the faster you can move on to better, brighter things. This guy will not matter in a year or two, maybe even less. Trust me. See #5.
16. Address people by their names from time to time.
Just slip it into the end of a sentence. I have no clue what it does to the human psyche but it always make someone feel better. Whenever someone says "____, Kayleigh" I feel quite present and validated. Bonus is that this can double as a flirting technique; When you've got a crush or someone you're kind of into, the sound of them saying your name is such a great feeling. So go ahead and make someone's day.
17. Reach out to people you like that you don't normally hang out with.
Some of my best conversations were with girls who weren't my go-to friends. When I had problems or wanted to get away, it was really great to text someone from a totally different friend group (who I was in a club/group/class with and had a good rapport with) and invite them out to lunch with me. If they're comfortable around you and vice-versa, it'll be super fun and you'll get your mind off of whatever is wrong. Plus you can ask them questions about any problems they have and they can unload/vent back at you. (And, if you're like me, you'll enjoy getting the juicy gossip about people you barely know). Reach out to the lost people, too. I've had such good interactions with people I was friends with back in middle school and we can still talk like almost nothing has changed.
18. Work on your relationships with your parents.
They're here for you even when you feel like they despise you. They probably love you more than anything else they know/have. They were teenagers too once even if they don't remember it sometimes.
19. Everyone embarrasses themselves.
You'll screw up. You'll say stupid stuff to your crush. You'll trip over a shoelace. Sometimes it helps to pretend your life is a sitcom just so that you can laugh at yourself and not feel so much shame over something so silly. Laugh! Humiliation is a happy part of teendom. Plus they'll make great stories one day.
That's all I can think of! If you're reading this, you'll survive. College is just around the corner.
L
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