Car Drives (Windows Down): Favorite Records

Come one and all. I've archived my favorite albums of all time below (in no particular order). Get ready, there's a lot of 'em. There's something for everyone. And I'm sure there will be more in the years to come. Warning: I like over-italicizing. 


I. A Seat At The Table, Solange Knowles, 2016

Summary: I feel like this fave goes without saying... Solange is a sonic goddess. The progression of this album cannot be ignored - she took such care to make sure each song flows into the other, the way a proper album should (never, ever shuffle for optimal experience). By the end, one feels as if they've been a part of something big. In all honesty, these songs feel like more than just songs because they reach levels beyond the audible. There are themes of female empowerment, race, and intersectionality. There are bits of spoken word throughout. This is not background music! 

Ideal For: Getting dressed/ready in the morning

Favorite Moment: "Do you belong?" I do, I do

Favorite Tracks: Rise, Weary, Cranes in the Sky, Don't Touch My Hair, F.U.B.U.


II. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, 2005

Summary: This is one of the first records I purchased and it was on a total whim, mostly because I was obsessed with its cover and sleeve (plus the actual vinyl is bright, translucent orange!). Admittedly, this is a strange little number. It's lesser-known and quite the elusive group. It's definitely not for everyone. The singer, Alec Ounsworth, has a voice that is pretty unconventional - it's on the verge of screechy and I'm sure some critics have called it whiny. I love it. The songs are not too in-your-face. They bounce without being total bangers - almost-beachy vibes. The instrumentals are comforting, like coming home to something. I suppose because I bought this when I was 14 or 15 there is some biased nostalgia wrapped up in it as well. The jammy music and Alec's voice in "Upon This Tidal Wave of Young Blood" has a sound comparable to Morrissey and The Smiths. 

Ideal For: Aimlessly surfing the web

Favorite Moment: Time has gotten by on alibis and wine

Favorite Tracks: Over and over Again (Lost and Found), Details of the War, The Skin of My Yellow Country Teeth, Blue Turning Gray, Gimmie Some Salt, Upon This Tidal Wave of Young Blood

III. Parachutes, Coldplay, 2000

Summary: I can't express in words how this album makes me feel and the atmosphere it brings me back to. Much like "Clap Your Hands Say Yeah", there's so much nostalgia here. I'm aware that having a Coldplay album in my all-time favorites warrants a "basic bitch" label. Hear me out. "Parachutes" is their first album, before Coldplay hit it big. The songs feel much more stripped down and raw in comparison to their recent music. The progression is perfection. I am not a die-hard Coldplay fan by any means but I am when it comes to this record. Of course, this kind of music isn't everyone's cup of tea and I wonder if I heard it for the first time today, if I would love it so much?

Ideal For: Laying in bed feelin' angsty

Favorite Moment: Here I am and I'll wait in line always

Favorite Tracks: Don't Panic, Shiver, Sparks, Parachutes, High Speed, We Never Change

IV. Our Day Will Come, Ruby & the Romantics, 1963

Summary: I first heard this album while fishing through my grandparent's old records in their living room at the age of 12 or 13. I fell in love instantly. This album came towards the end of doo-wop-y soul-filled music, which is one of my favorite genres to jam to. Ruby's voice is endlessly lovely, each song dreamier than the last. The songs carry you like a river. Although I was nowhere near alive during this era, it has time traveling powers. I can imagine my aunt playing this record back in the day, belting along as she got ready for school while my father listened on - he knows every word. 

Ideal For: Car drives (windows down)

Favorite Moment: I wake up in the morning and I wonder (wonder! wonder! wonder!)

Favorite Tracks: Our Day Will Come, Stranger On The Shore, The End of the World, By The Way, Heartaches

V. Another Self Portrait, Bob Dylan, 1969-1971

Summary: Bob Dylan has an insane amount of music so choosing one album is difficult for two reasons: one, there are so many great albums of his and two, I've not heard all of his music because it would take at least a year of straight listening. He has so many bootleg, unreleased tracks, so many collections. But, based on the listening I've done thus far, this is the best one. It brings me back to discovering him in the winter of my sophomore year. It's classic 70s - steady, boat-like beats, soft acoustic guitar strums, folksy melodies, Dylan-style croons. This record is probably ideal for someone who hasn't begun to listen to him yet. The songs are softer and sweeter. Personally, I'm not a huge fan of Dylan's faster-paced, country-ish music so this album is perfect if that's not your thing either. If it is, Self Portrait is the album for you. Both Self Portrait albums in general are fantastic, both at the peak of Dylan's best. The sadness in "Pretty Saro" is a heartbreaker, the violin in "If Not For You" brings me to the verge of tears. (Sidenote: in the interview with my best friend, I said "Belle Isle" was my favorite Dylan song. After a re-listen of this album, "Pretty Saro" is hands-down my favorite.) 

Ideal For: Either dead of winter or dead of summer

Favorite Moment: I'd write my love a letter that she'd understand and write it by the river where the waters overflow

Favorite Tracks: Went to See the Gypsy - Demo, Pretty Saro, Time Passes Slowly #1, This Evening So Soon, If Not For You, Belle Isle, When I Paint My Masterpiece

VI. Teen Dream, Beach House, 2010

Summary: This is Beach House's best in my opinion, the height of their career. I used to be a die-hard fan but there's a level to this album that the band hasn't returned to since. Although Depression Cherry is pretty good too, there's some unexplainable rule that a sequel no longer holds the same shine. These songs are soft, dreamy, and summer-y. Of course, Victoria's voice is stunning. To me, this album is the epitome of dream pop. There isn't much to say about this album except that there's unexplainable magic happening. It makes my chest hurt with memories of people and places, especially "Silver Soul". 

Ideal For: Taking walks - earphone/headphone action

Favorite Moment: It gathers heat without you, whether or not you're turned from it

Favorite Tracks: Silver Soul, Walk in the Park, Used to Be, 10 Mile Stereo, Take Care

VII. Green Twins, Nick Hakim, 2017

Summary: After hearing Hakim's "Pour Another" about a year or so ago, I knew I needed to keep up with his releases. I was right. This album was just released in May of this year. And it is so damn good. The genre is definitely more on the electronic side. The melodies are crazy groovy, Hakim's voice is sweet and boyish, and the lyrics concerning a pregnancy (ie green twins) make it all even better. Each song seems to have a different kind of unique beat (take the pipe-tapping sound of "Roller Skates" or the sudden change in "TYAF"). Perfect progression from one song to the next. It's simply a beautifully constructed, beautifully written album. 

Ideal For: Showers

Favorite Moment: (the *pause* and *scream* in "Farmissplease")

Favorite Tracks: Green Twins, Bet She Looks Like You, Roller Skates, TYAF, Farmissplease

VIII. Rubber Soul, The Beatles, 1965

Summary: Many have argued that this is The Beatle's best album. I'm sure many Beatles fans will hate me for it, but I much prefer their earlier sound to their later music. Although I appreciate and deeply respect the changes in their music as the 70s brought with it a harder sound, I've always dug their 60s vibe, the stuff written to appeal to the fangirls (I would've been in the front row screaming and fainting with the rest of them). Rubber Soul was right at the transition from their touring years to their non-touring years, so this album has a great mix of radio hits and experimentation - notice the difference between the more early-sounding, clap-happy "I'm Looking Through You" versus George's sitar playing in "Norwegian Wood". Although I was very tempted to instead include Please Please Me, their earliest which includes individual hits like "Love Me Do" and "Twist and Shout" (FAVES), the artistry and change in sound in Rubber Soul cannot be ignored. Their songs took on darker themes and less joyful harmonies. As a full, whole album, this takes the cake. 

Ideal For: Doing art/work to

Favorite Moment: I need to, I need to, I NEED to

Favorite Tracks: Drive My Car, Norwegian Wood (This Bird Has Flown), The Word, Michelle, I'm Looking Through You, In My Life

IX. Halcyon Digest, Deerhunter, 2010

Summary: This is such an interesting album. To be honest, I have no clue what Bradford Cox was going for as I haven't done much research about these tracks. I do know that Cox is a really, really fascinating artist and cool guy. This album came at time when I was just discovering good, alternative music. It's definitely one of those albums that can be appreciated by a wide audience. Each song has so many layers and sublayers to it. It impresses me how much goes into each one. 

Ideal For: A record or vintage shop to play

Favorite Moment: Could you pray for us? We know He loves you the best

Favorite Tracks: Don't Cry, Revival, Basement Scene, Helicopter, He Would Have Laughed

X. Mr. Soul, Sam Cooke, 1963

Summary: Back in the winter, I fell back into a love affair with old-school music. "These Foolish Things" was one song that I was jamming out to. Then, just two days ago, I found the album it was from, listened to it in full, and have become obsessed. Cooke's voice is freaking amazing. I want to dance all night to this album. If you're into piano-tinged, jazzy, soul-filled love songs like I am, this is for you.

Ideal For: Cooking to

Favorite Moment: Oh, how the ghost of you clings, clings, clings

Favorite Tracks: I Wish You Love, Willow Weep for Me, Chains of Love, Nothing Can Change This Love, These Foolish Things

XI. Little Girl Blue, Nina Simone, 1958

Summary: May was my Nina Simone month. After reading a Pitchfork article, I began to listen to her and was so moved by its power (listen to "Why (The King of Love is Dead)" and you'll see why immediately). I then stumbled upon her first album. This album - Simone's debut - is incredible. It's peaceful and solemn. Simone could play the piano like nobody's business and could hit the craziest notes with her voice (perfect pitch, of course). Whenever I listen to her music I think of the documentary, "What Happened, Miss Simone?" which casts sad, dark tones over the listening experience. She was a talented but troubled young black woman growing up in the most difficult time to be a talented young black woman. Major creds. Highly recommend also Pitchfork's Spotify playlist, "Nina Simone: Her Art and Life in 33 Songs". 

Ideal For: Autumn

Favorite Moment: I want to stay here with you forever

Favorite Tracks: He Needs Me, Little Girl Blue, My Baby Just Cares for Me, Plain Gold Ring, You'll Never Walk Alone, I Loves You Porgy

XII. Pet Sounds, The Beach Boys, 1966

Summary: It's not unknown that Brian Wilson was a bona fide genius. Pet Sounds is the proof. The lyrics, music, and overall atmosphere in this album are undeniably good. At this point in The Beach Boys' career, Wilson was sick and tired of writing "let's go to the beach and surf" songs. I think a foreshadow of this transition appears in "In My Room", which came out in 1963 and is the one song on their Surfer Girl album that doesn't deal with surfing - it deals with life and loneliness. So he came up with the tracks on this album, which explored everything life brings, both good and bad ("I Know There's An Answer" is about Wilson tripping on acid). Because of that, this album is pivotal. Kind of like Rubber Soul, The Beach Boys expanded out of their sugary pop phase and began to write substantive, grown-up material, appealing not just to teenage girls exclusively, but the human race (see "I Just Wasn't Made For These Times"). 

Ideal For: Weekend mornings

Favorite Moment: You never need to doubt it, I'll make you so sure about it

Favorite Tracks: Wouldn't It Be Nice, That's Not Me, Don't Talk (Put Your Head On My Shoulder), Let's Go Away For Awhile, God Only Knows, I Just Wasn't Made For These Times, Why Can't We Live Together

Byeee,

L

Oh, What A Relief It Is

There's nothing new under the sun. 

This morning I woke up in a strangely good mood despite the impending-college-doom-cloud. I made a bowl of raw oats with fruit and maple syrup and cinnamon and then said bowl wanted to say hi to all of my plants so we made the rounds...

Anyway, I watched an episode of Frasier and then headed to a friend's house to buy some odds and ends at Target and get lunch at Chipotle.

I'm really appreciating these little leftover friendships I have with different girls from my high school class. I went to lunch yesterday and today with two gal pals that I've been going to school with for ages. They run in different circles and I don't see them very often. But when I see them it's super fun and worthwhile. Not sure what it is about those small connections but they're what I live for - those little conversations, venting sessions, sporadic excursions, trips down memory lane.

Then, I got home confused as to why my phone service had been cut off only to find that my dad got us new iPhone 7's! Trust me, this was long overdue. I've had two iPhones in my lifetime, both of which were 2 generations (at least) behind the current ones and were hand-me-downs with 5 GB of space at most.

Feeling well-fed emotionally/spiritually and physically.


L

P.S. - I can hear my dad snoring in his bedroom and it's literally 4:30pm.

Me and My Best Friend Ask Each Other Questions

So when I was about 4 years old, my mom was able to get me into this new school. I was placed in a homeroom and one of the moms hosted a party for everyone in this class. We got to the party and went out back where a little blonde tomboy and her mom were playing badminton. I asked to play and the rest is history! 14 years later, this blonde tomboy is still putting up with me.


We've gotten closer and closer over time and she's become my best pal and confidante. We've always been able to understand each other even when we kind of don't. It's very lucky when you find someone whom you can invite over and just do nothing together. She just gets it.

I already know that we'll be 23 years old, finally making good on that promise to visit a European city, visiting museums and flirting with locals. At 30 years old we'll be buying peaches and strawberries at a farmer's market catching up about our jobs. At 50 we'll be going to the local arthouse theater in lipstick and linen clothes, complaining about our husbands (or boyfriends, who knows) and hiding white wine in our purses.

Right now, we're off to college (both going to Massachusetts, but at universities 2 hours apart) and dreading next week when we pack and head up. So I put some questions together for her and asked her to put together some questions for me. What ensued was a half-interview-half-conversation. 'L' is me, 'Q' is her. To give you a background for the start of this recording, she forgot to bring her list of questions and thus had to re-write them down.

Q: Okay, I can only think of 8...

L: Okay, I mean you'll probably remember as we go, right?

Q: Maybe.

L: Or... the first few ones I have are really simple ones. So, then you could just be like, "What about you?" And then we can do that.

Q: Mm!

L: What? Did you remember more?

Q: *nods, writes*

L: And think of new ones, too! Okay, cool.

Q: Okay.

L: Okay, what's your zodiac sign?

Q: Aquarius. What's your earliest memory of us besides when we first met?

L: Ooh.. Probably I remember when we were swinging on the swing sets once, like in pre-K, and I think we were sharing who our crushes were and we both said Drew.

Q: Gross.

L: Yeah, I know. But I remember, like, looking around at the boys in the schoolyard, trying to pick the guy who I thought was the cutest.

Q: *laughs* He's such a dick now.

L: I know. I agree. Um, what's your personality type?

Q: Virtuoso.

L: Do you remember what the letters are?

Q: I think it's INSP.

L: Yeah, I think you're right. (Nope. It's ISTP...)

Q: But I think "Virtuoso" sounds better. When do you expect to reach your peak if you haven't already?

L: Fresh out of college would be a nice peak, going into graduate school.

Q: I feel like my entire life has been a peak. *laughs*

L: *laughs* I don't really believe in peaks. Because I feel like you can have multiple. I don't think there has to be one. Although, I know people who I went to school with who I'm like, "Yeah you've already peaked. 8th grade was your peak."

Q: That's terrible. Such low expectations.

L: It's true though! It's accurate. Like, for people who don't live a substantial life, it's like 8th grade was your peak because you didn't have to do anything and all you did was party...

Q: Nobody parties in 8th grade!

L: They had their version of parties. Or freshman year, you know? Who is one band or person you want to see in concert?

Q: Lil Yachty.

L: Okay. Wait, spell that so I know how to spell it in the thing.

Q: *Laughs* Only if you include that you don't know how to spell Lil Yachty.

L: Is it like "Yah-Tee"?

Q: It's L-I-L-Y-A-C-H-T-Y.

L: Oh! Like "yacht". Okay, got it, that makes more sense. Go ahead.

Q: What's your favorite Dylan song?

L: Bob Dylan?

Q: Yeah.

L: Ummm..... What's it called? Is it "Girl From Belle Isle"?

Q: "Belle From Belle Isle".

L: Is it "Belle From Belle Isle"?

Q: I don't know.

L: I feel like it's "Girl From Belle Isle". (HA. It's just "Belle Isle"). If you were to create something autobiographical - so if you had to do a film or create an album or create an art exhibit - what would its title be? Basically, what would you title your life story.

Q: Shit.

L: *laughs*

Q: Since I didn't have this as my yearbook quote, it would be "See You Next Tuesday", written out.

L: Written out? What else?

Q: No, C U Next Tuesday because it's, like, a euphemism for "cunt". And I think it's really funny.

L: Yeah, but you would have it like "S-E-E"?

Q: Yeah! Do it completely written out. Salt or pepper?

L: Salt. I mean, I like pepper and I like it better than salt in certain dishes but I use salt way more. What was your favorite class in high school?

Q: Hmm. It would have to be a tie between Photography, which is really open-ended, and Mixed Media my senior year.

L: Why?

Q: Because I feel like I really concentrated my focus and became a lot more aware of what I was making.

L: Cool.

Q: What are you most afraid of?

L: Like, what's my biggest fear or stuff about real life?

Q: Real life. Realistic, pragmatic shit.

L: Hm, I think my worst fear is probably... I mean, like I was saying there's kind of a real-life one and a "could-happen-but-not-as-realistic".

Q: Do your Reality one and Not-As-Reality-One.

L: I feel like my biggest fear is having people I love dying, people that are very close to me. But in terms of what am I scared of now that we're going into college and stuff, it would probably have to be being old or on my deathbed and realizing I didn't really do what I wanted to do. Who are your biggest heroes?

Q: Um... Who are my biggest heroes?

L: Hero-slash-inspiration for sure.

Q: That's hard.

L: Your queen or king right now. I mean, maybe Zoe Kravitz because you love her.

Q: Zoe Kravitz and, like, Adwoa Aboah are my two style inspirations for sure. Um, Jack White was my biggest hero when I was a kid. Peter Shire! Who's a ceramicist based in Echo Park and he loves striped shirts. Maybe Devendra Banhart, too...Too many people.

L: Well, I said "heroes" not "hero", so it's fine!

Q: I think everyone is my greatest inspiration. That's gonna be my final answer.

L: So dumb. *laughs*

Q: *laughs*

L: I feel like Devendra Banhart, I like him more than his music but I still like his music a lot. But I just like him a lot. Go.

Q: Okay, a little game here... So, first Smash or Pass: Fred Armisen.

L: I mean, smash I guess.

Q: For the story.

L: Yeah! That'd make a great story. And I just feel like that'd be a great thing to do. Because, like I was saying, on your deathbed if you didn't do everything you wanted to do and you die then that sucks, but imagine being on your deathbed and being like, I-

Q: -wanted to smash Fred Armisen.

L: Not wanted to, I did, man. Okay. What's your most prized possession? In your possession?

Q: Materialistic or meaningful? Or both?

L: Well, I feel like "most prized" has to do with making that decision.

Q: Yeah, that's true. My most prized possession is my body.

L: Stop. Be serious!

Q: *laughs* I don't know.

L: You have to have an object where you're like, "I would save this in a fire". I feel like your family has so many antiques or stuff that has been handed down.

Q: Yeah, little stuff. Probably... I don't know, there's a photo, like a weird Polaroid selfie my dad sent to me but he didn't put it in an envelope. Like, it's just the address on the back of the photograph and you can't even see his face.

L: *laughs*

Q: That he sent to me when I was 3 or 4.

L: *laughs* Why would he do that?

Q: I don't know but it's a miracle that it got to our house.

L: That's so funny.

Q: And it just says, like, "Hi. Love, Dad".

L: *guffaws*

Q: Like, it's nothing special. *laughs*

L: That's hilarious.

Q: That's a pretty meaningful object to me.

L: Okay. That's a good answer.

Q: Okay, second round of Smash or Pass: Danny Phantom.

L: Oh my God! Smash as hell! Way more than Fred Armisen.

Q: Smash the ghost out of him.

L: If I had to pick one out of those two, it would obviously be the cartoon.

Q: Well, the last Smash or Pass I have is a killer. It's great.

L: Okay...

Q: Prepare yourself.

L: *snickers* What's the last good book that you read?

Q: It was a good book and the last book I read. I don't read that much. It would be "The Doors of Perception". But also (my boyfriend) gave it to me so...

L: Oh! About what?

Q: It's about a guy who's on mescaline. Mes-cuh-leen? Mes-cuh-lin? Um. And his experience. And the idea of, like, perceiving things through your eyes.

L: Cool. Nice.

Q: Okay, final round of Smash or Pass!

L: *groans* Is it Ted Bundy.

Q: No, you ready? O.J. Simpson. *laughs*

L: Oh, God! Pass! Why would I want to do that?

Q: For the story! What if he just killed you? *laughs*

L: No! People would, like, shame you for that. And that wouldn't be something you'd want to brag about. At all.

Q: *giggles* Major personal gain.

L: Mm. Um. What's your current favorite song?

Q: *trumpet noise* That's my current favorite song. No.

L: *laughs*

Q: What have I been listening to? What's that breakup song?

L: "Break Up Together" by Theo Katzman.

Q: "Break Up Together" by Theo Katzman. Very Jewish name.

L: It is.

Q: What do you want done with your body after you've died?

L: I suppose cremation? I feel like being buried just kind of weirds me out but that's just a personal thing, I feel like if someone else wants to get buried that's their choice. But I also know that cremation has been said to release not-the-best fumes for the environment, but I feel like being buried is probably worse. So, cremation I guess. And I think it'd be cool to pick where you spread your ashes. Instead of just like, *old-man voice* "Bury me at Arlington Cemetary."

Q: "Arlington Cemetary". *laughs*

L: I mean, I wouldn't be buried at Arlington Cemetary. What is your favorite past decade, assuming there was no bigotry, and why?

Q: I would say 70s for sure, because of the music and general culture.

L: Yeah. I love the 70s too.

Q: Words to live by?

L: Like, a quote?

Q: Just words to live by.

L: Oh, just something-

Q: It could be "catdogcat". And you could live by that.

L: *laughs* Um... that's hard. Let me think for a second. Hm. "Live and let live".

Q: What the hell does that mean?

L: It means, like, live your life and don't worry about other people!

Q: "Let live"?

L: Yeah, "let live", you've never heard that?

Q: I have, but it's like you're giving permission.

L: To who?

Q: To everybody else to live, like "live and let live".

L: Well, you put me on the spot with an intense question and I have no clue what I would actually want my motto to be.

Q: I know. Okay.

L: That's my quick answer.

Q: Got it.

L: What's one thing you'll miss about Baltimore?

Q: The health food store...

L: It's OK Natural.

Q: OK Natural Foods. On Preston Street. We'll link. Final question. What do you have to say to yourself in the future?

L: *laughs* "Hope you're doing well"? I don't know. I don't want to ask questions. Like, "Hope you're alive and happy". So. I think that when we were young and stuff you started developing your style pretty early so what influe-

Q: *grimaces*

L: -it's true! So what influenced your style when you were younger? I mean, when we look back we're like, "Oh those are all mistakes" but like it developed into what you have now.

Q: Yeah, I mean, all during 5th grade I wore basketball shorts and my dad's old shirts. I don't know. I think, like, my nana? Because she's always had this weird-Japanese-minimalist-linen style going on that I think is influential.

L: Cool. So, you grew up in a fairly middle-ish class white family so what elements led you towards a path of being aware about other people? I mean did your parents teach you to be like that or did you just do it or what?

Q: I mean from when I was born up until I was 6 or 7, we didn't have the socioeconomic status we have now because it was just my mom, my grandma, and I. And we lived in a community that was very diverse but that was mainly due to the class aspect of it just because race and class are so tied - then, 12 years ago, and now. So, being in a diverse community, that definitely had an effect. And just generally not being ignorant, like, just coming from a family that's really loving and accepting of what everybody does.

L: Okay, there are 3 more questions... What is your biggest frustration as an educated, 'woke' white person?

Q: Seeing other white people who are very ignorant, like the white supremacists who've come out of the woodwork now and are blaming people of color for all of the bad that's happened to them when, for the most part, it's just privileged white people who have negatively impacted working class white folks. And they've just failed to recognize it and choose to put that blame on people of color, which is really unfair to see. I don't know. To me, it's kind of obvious but they choose not to see that.

L: And you mean just, like, the richest white people.

Q: Right, the top 1% are the ones who are screwing most people over.

L: Including other white people.

Q: Definitely including other white people. If not more so in certain aspects.

L: Yeah. Right. What's one thing you wish you were better at? It could be a skill but it could also be a mental thing, or whatever.

Q: Yeah. I wish I was better at exercising.

L: *laughs*

Q: Which I could get better at but I just, I.. I feel like I'm going to die whenever I start doing it. Which is how everyone feels, but.

L: Yeah.

Q: Maybe I desire more stamina. Maybe I don't have enough stamina.

L: I think whenever you've exercised you've not done it for long enough for you to feel good when you exercise.

Q: Yeah. So, maybe I desire stamina, I want to get better at that.

L: Yeah. Rad, okay. Last one: It's basically the question that you asked at the beginning, what's one favorite memory of us hanging out?

Q: What's one favorite... *laughs* We had a time in, like... *chuckles*

L: *laughs* What?

Q: It was, like, third grade I think and I slept over at your house. And I remember we had a fire and I just felt really, really sick but I didn't say anything about it.

L: Oh yeah! *laughs*

Q: I just drank a lot of cranberry juice. There was, like, a Nalgene bottle, 38 ounces of fucking cranberry juice and I was just sipping it.

L: Oh my God, I remember that!

Q: Do you?!

L: Yeah, I do! *laughs* I think my mom, like, poured it all in for you.

Q: Yeah, and then we went to sleep and we both woke up feeling like death.

L: Like, awful. *laughs* You had probably breathed into my face all night.

Q: And in the morning I think we had fevers.

L: I think we both had strep.

Q: And we were really delirious but all I remember is, I think we had lollipops and we were just laughing in bed and then our moms came in and I didn't want to leave because we just kept laughing.

L: Right, right. Ugh, that's awful.

Q: It's so funny.

L: I remember that happening.

Q: It was a very sweet moment, it was like we didn't care that we were sick and felt so bad because we were just laughing so much.

L: I remember I woke up and you left and then I woke up, like, 6 hours later after taking a long nap and I felt horrible.

Q: I'm sorry. Future Me to you.

L: It was just really bad. Yeah. Okay. That's a wrap!

Q: That was really fun.

Dark They Were, and Golden-Eyed

His wife, before him, seemed almost to swirl away in smoke. 

I'm sleepy and hot and laying in bed watching YouTube videos. Basically the epitome of my summer, but I'm feeling fairly secure for the first time in a while. It feels like life is moving towards a solid routine, something good. 10 days and counting!

I've applied to about 10 different places in the area where I'll be going to college in the hopes that I can pin down a solid part-time job. I heard back from the local Buffalo Exchange which I really, really want! The only issue is not knowing my schedule.

I do all of my signing up for classes and placement tests in the first week that I'm on campus, which means I have no clue what my days will look like. This stresses me out a lot. Although I would kind of prefer to sign up for classes once I'm there so that I can check in with my advisor and be able to vent with my roommate, I love getting my schedule in August each year. They make me feel secure and it's nice to know what I'll be doing and when for the next 4 months. Anyway, it's completely out of my control but that sort of blows. I'll give all of these places another call/email once I know my schedule. I just don't like putting those kinds of things off.

I don't have much else to say! I promise the next post won't be so boring, this weekend was just pretty event-less and more relaxing than anything else.


L

A Short Uni Moodboard

Ends of summers feel like a slow turn of an old, mechanical wheel. Something on the conveyer belt is approaching. Something good and new. 

Happy Saturday.. I'm going to pop in some photos for some college inspo below! Then I'm off to get my car from the shop (finally).

L

Atypical Manic Pixie Dream Girls for the Modern Feminist

Well, la di da. I'm still writing this and it's almost 2am. 

12 more days until my uni move-in! Time is going by like that. Anyway, right now we're going to talk about manic pixie dream girls.

So, the term "manic pixie dream girl" was coined by some movie critic dude describing Kirsten Dunst's character in Elizabethtown, a classic (and heartwarming) chick flick. The idea behind a manic pixie dream girl is a female movie or television character who is a little quirky and not entirely thought-out by the writer; her purpose is merely to encourage the leading man to become his best self without really searching for herself. Although they happen to be the driving force, their male counterparts get a billion times more limelight. The credits roll and we never really got to know her as more than an object of romance.

According to Wikipedia, this kind of girl has been compared to something called "The Magical Negro" - that character of color whose only purpose is to give the protagonist (usually male, almost always white) some non-Western spiritual intervention. The Magical Negro is basically a human-version of a Deus ex machina. Come on, there are so many freaking examples of this.

Overall, "Manic Pixie Dream Girl" is something a sexist writer utilizes while "The Magical Negro" is something an ignorant, lazy writer utilizes. Characters of value and potential become lackluster plot tools, cheap Hollywood fixes. This is hardly suitable for the woke, educated millennial.

Here's another example of a typical, boring MPDG - Cara Delevigne's Margo in Paper Towns. Now, I actually quite like this movie as cheesy and John-Green-y as it is. But Margo sucks. Yes, there are stronger female roles balancing her out but Margo is the epitome of a sexist's MPDG. She's all wanderlusty with zero purpose. The only point of her is so that Nat Wolff can discover himself in his search for her whereabouts. We never have an opportunity to understand her because she's such a shallow character. Bleh.

However, there are certain films that feature manic pixie dream girls - or at least a version of them -who are actually, like, great. Great, and important to the plot of the story. It's not just all about the romance for them. Their characters are actual humans with lives and jobs and responsibilities.

Zooey Deschanel's Jessica Day from New Girl is that kind of MPDG - she's got the not-your-average-gal X-factor going for her. Although not my favorite female role in the entire world, Jess takes care of business despite how adorkable and immature she can be. Jess is actually thought-out and she has crucial importance to the series. We see her grow. Best of all, the series doesn't end with an easy Nick + Jess finale.

Now, whenever I come across a girl in a film who is a little quirky, definitely passionate, and yes, manic, I deem them worthy of this prestigious title. They're the antipodes of that 2000s trend of the no-nonsense business woman character who can't commit to relationships (think Sandra Bullock à la The Proposal). A feminist's MPDG is goofy, confused, and all-over-the-place, yet insist on their independence. They do seek love because they're optimistic (unlike Ms. Bullock), they just don't always get it (also unlike Ms. Bullock). There isn't the usual *cue the kiss* *cue the music* *cue the credits* routine. They don't need a man to break through their cold, bitter walls because they're idealists and thus have little to no cold, bitter walls. And, quite frankly, they tend to steal the best lines.

They have flaws, and not the kind of flaws any guy would find endearing. Not ones that always seem to attract the cliché declarations of love like, "I love the way your eyebrows furrow when you read a book you love." None of that BS. These MPDGs have faults - ones that are real, non-negotiable, and ugly, and provide for a more realistic showcase of what relationships are all about. I mean, I LOVE When Harry Met Sally, but come on.





Below we have a lineup of feminist (and underrated) MPDGs. We're gonna go a little further beyond the more-obvious Jessica Days and Leslie Knopes. Hit it.

Frances | Frances Ha

Okay, Frances Ha is a fantastic film that is much too highly unknown. If you haven't seen it, stop reading this and watch it yesterday - it's on Netflix. 

I relate to Frances in so many ways. Watching this movie is like watching myself. I love her. She's an absolute icon for any young millennial in 2017, the encapsulation of women our age. She's confused, crazy, creative, idealist, can't handle her money or relationships, and kind of knows what she wants but also kind of not. She feels like she's falling behind all of her friends and can't seem to obtain all of those life-things a woman is traditionally expected to find. The thing that really makes her stand apart from the other MPDGs is that there kind of is no love interest (unheard of!). There are only implications. That's important. The credits don't roll the moment she's kissed, had sex with, or married that special someone. She's not onscreen to find a happy ending. She's just there to tell her story. "I'm too tall to marry." 

Margot | Take This Waltz

I'm sure a lot of people who have seen Take This Waltz are thinking "WTF, how is Margot an MPDG?" Here's my reasoning. She's definitely confused and quirky. She has no clue what she's doing and can't put her finger on what she wants. She feels misunderstood and stuck. And the pièce de résistance - she follows the normal progression of every romance movie ever, only to find it's actually not really what she needs. She's the perfect example of the MPDG idealist. I kind of read the plot like a special kind of social statement: fairy tales are nonexistent and love is not a quick fix. 

Ruby | Ruby Sparks

Here's the cool thing about Ruby Sparks. Ruby actually is your typical manic pixie dream girl. She's the girl of this sad, sensitive writer's dreams; a girl without a life of her own who depends on him. Sound familiar? The atypical thing about it - and I'm guessing it's because Zoe Kazan wrote the movie and starred as Ruby herself - is that the whole thing goes to shit. Much to the writer's dismay, this Ruby is an unsustainable fantasy. A doll. 

Women like Ruby simply do not exist. They're fiction. Women have their own aspirations and goals. They're their own human beings and, as such, relationships with women - with anybody - will never ever be total smooth sailing. This film demonstrated all of these truths in a very clever, witty way. Perfection. 

Annie Hall | Annie Hall

Personally, I think Annie Hall is an ultra feminist icon but I have a feeling many people have made the opposite argument. To me, this film is similar to Ruby Sparks because it has to do with a man trying to pin a woman down and failing miserably. In Annie Hall, we don't watch the man pursue his dreams with the unwavering support of his grinning girlfriend. Instead, we watch Annie - confused, erratic, awkward, and perpetually restless - try to find herself while Woodie Allen's character tries hopelessly to keep up with her. She is not satisfied so easily. The result is pure, subtle feminism and a real depiction of adult relationships. And bonus: Diane Keaton's killer outfits during the whole thing. 

A Part II may come at some point! I can't think of any others and I'm too tired to write anymore. Night! (Or morning technically).

L

I Def Want to Have a Coffee With You

End of an era but the start of a great one. 

So the photos below are pretty crappy but just wanted to document the fact that I got two new piercings - a midi on one and a second lobe piercing on the other.

Last night I went to the park with two of my guy friends, one of whom is leaving for college tomorrow morning. It doesn't even feel real that that was the last time I'll see him for a while. He's going to call me tomorrow morning on the way there... but I'm going to miss him heaps. I'm trying not to feel too sad though! Like I said we'll talk and see each other in person in a couple months.

Despite the ongoing news about Trump and his tomfoolery, I went out into the city for a coffee and to shop around some art stores with my main squeeze... I'm going to miss my city and my friends so very much. Here are some pics I took along the way - some Eyes Wide Shut shit, no?

I've been listening to Alvvays and Nick Hakim like nobody's business. I've been taking tons of photos because, after all, this is a monumental summer. Anyway, there's not much else to tell! Hopefully, I'll have some inspiration for a kind of theme-like post later this week that isn't a total smattering of random life things like this one. I also have some college prep-related stuff to come!

L

What I Learned in High School

Hi, all! (This is a repost from this morning because the other post had strange formatting issues I could not solve). 

These are things I wish I had known before I started high school. High school was super duper rough but it taught me so. Much. It was horrible and amazing and beautiful and ugly all at once. Getting to college took so freaking long but I made it!

Here are the biggest lessons I learned which (hopefully) can be good advice for anyone who's still making that trek through the hardest 4 years:

1. Don't immediately assume cruel intent. 

Even if others don't do it for you (which can hurt a lot) please don't assume that someone had the worst intentions. 95% of the time they did not do it to hurt you. This was the biggest lesson I learned in high school because it goes hand-in-hand with sensitivity. I'm an extremely sensitive, emotional person even when I appear on the outside to be cold or aggressive. Trust me, on the inside I'm a big ball of over-analyzation. Not taking things so personally is one of the hardest things for me to learn to do but I've gotten so much better at it. Yes, it can really hurt when someone doesn't reply to a text, doesn't seem to care when you share what you thought was exciting news, etc. It's inconsiderate for sure but be honest with yourself - are they really trying to hurt you intentionally? And when I'm honest with myself I realize that I can do it to other people on my worst days or during my worst moments. Sometimes people just are who they are, bad and good, and you shouldn't hold a grudge for that. Expel away that negative energy, leave them alone, and glow up! 



2. No one really cares if you don't go to the party.
If they do care and give you a hard time for it, don't hang out with them because they don't have your best interest at heart.

3. Even if it's hard, it is perfectly okay to realize that someone should no longer be in your life.
Chances are, if you feel they are not feeding your soul, then you most likely aren't feeding theirs either. Let go and move on because you'll both be better off in the end. And who's to say you will never be able to casually hang out again someday? Friends are NEVER a with-us-or-against-us situation. NEVER let ANYONE make you feel like they are.



4. Understand the pros and cons of social media - control it, not the other way around. 
Now that I've had time away from high school and have taken lots of time away from social media, I'm not half as hooked to my phone as I once was. Put down your phone and freaking look up at what you're doing, where you are, who you are. Having social media platforms is okay as long as you realize the repercussions. They are all created with the exact goal of keeping you on them. Furthermore, I always found Instagram and Snapchat to be a reminder of the events that my friends are at and I am not. You don't have to know what everyone is doing 24/7 and they don't need to know what you're doing either. At a beautiful restaurant? Out with a beautiful friend? Great! Snap one pic on your camera if necessary, put your phone anyway, and enjoy it now. Post later. Be that mysterious ghost girl on weekends. 

5. Self-care means unfollowing someone if it makes you feel shitty. 
If someone - an ex, a toxic friend/person, anybody - posting a photo of themselves with other people makes you feel horrible then unfollow them immediately. Why put yourself through that kind of pain? If they ask you about it, remind them how superficial followers are in the first place. Unfollowing is not a direct attack and has much more to do with you than them. Let yourself have that.

6. Be proud of the work - creative or academic - that you've done even if your friends/family are less than enthusiastic. 
Revel in the small victories in life.


7. Let yourself be a cliché sometimes. 
My best memories of high school are ones where I drove around with my friends blasting music and singing on the highway, where we ordered pizza and watched rom coms, where I stayed home from school and painted all day, where I prank called boys during sleepovers. Allow yourself those hilariously cute moments. (If your friends think these things are stupid but it's what you like to do for fun, find new people to hang with). 

8. Learn to be alone. 
Alone is not inherently bad. This is a skill you will need for the rest of your life. If you're good at it, you will save yourself plenty of heartache.

9. Get to know your teachers.
They are people, too. In high school, I would take time to email my favorite English teachers class-related articles/podcasts/websites I found interesting and I think they respected me more in the classroom because of it. Reach out to them and they will not only appreciate it, but be more likely to cut you some slack when you really need it.

10. It's perfectly okay to drink/smoke/have sex and perfectly okay not to. 
Just make sure that whatever you do, you're safe and are not letting it affect you during any part of your life when you aren't actively doing that thing. I was a total square™ in high school and spent way too much valuable time wondering if I was a weird teenager for not being into it. Just be you and rock it. It's really enough. 

11. It will feel sometimes - especially if you're a sensitive, introverted type like I am - that all boys (or girls!) are looking at everyone except you. 
You are complete and whole without a significant other. There is no need to worry even when it feels like everyone is leaving you behind. Life isn't like that, you know? It's not so black and white. Life doesn't switch to rose-colored overnight with just that person, that place, that thing. Let those fantasies go. They aren't real. Become the person you would ideally fall in love with and fall in love with yourself. Someone special will come around and when they do come you will already be cool. 

12. People will hurt you and not mean to.
Accept this as an unfortunate part of life. Things happen and you can only control how you react.

13. Don't let a boy pressure you into jackshit. 

14. Get a guy pal if you can manage it so you have someone to go to when you're just so sick of girls. 
My high school guy friend I already know is going to be one of my lifelong confidantes. He's someone I could call at night and rant to for an hour and vice-versa. Love that guy. 

15. If a boy doesn't make a move, doesn't seem to care when you're with other boys or that you're in the same room as him or on the same planet as him, doesn't care that you're still out in the dating pool waiting and it has been a while then he does not like you.
He's just not that into you. It's heartbreaking and it's one of the hardest lessons but the sooner you realize that you care more about him than he does about you the faster you can move on to better, brighter things. This guy will not matter in a year or two, maybe even less. Trust me. See #5.

16. Address people by their names from time to time.
Just slip it into the end of a sentence. I have no clue what it does to the human psyche but it always make someone feel better. Whenever someone says "____, Kayleigh" I feel quite present and validated. Bonus is that this can double as a flirting technique; When you've got a crush or someone you're kind of into, the sound of them saying your name is such a great feeling. So go ahead and make someone's day.

17. Reach out to people you like that you don't normally hang out with. 
Some of my best conversations were with girls who weren't my go-to friends. When I had problems or wanted to get away, it was really great to text someone from a totally different friend group (who I was in a club/group/class with and had a good rapport with) and invite them out to lunch with me. If they're comfortable around you and vice-versa, it'll be super fun and you'll get your mind off of whatever is wrong. Plus you can ask them questions about any problems they have and they can unload/vent back at you. (And, if you're like me, you'll enjoy getting the juicy gossip about people you barely know). Reach out to the lost people, too. I've had such good interactions with people I was friends with back in middle school and we can still talk like almost nothing has changed.



18. Work on your relationships with your parents. 
They're here for you even when you feel like they despise you. They probably love you more than anything else they know/have. They were teenagers too once even if they don't remember it sometimes.

19. Everyone embarrasses themselves. 
You'll screw up. You'll say stupid stuff to your crush. You'll trip over a shoelace. Sometimes it helps to pretend your life is a sitcom just so that you can laugh at yourself and not feel so much shame over something so silly. Laugh! Humiliation is a happy part of teendom. Plus they'll make great stories one day.





That's all I can think of! If you're reading this, you'll survive. College is just around the corner.

L

About Face

Happy Sunday... During summers I tend to forget what day of the week it is, but somehow Sunday always feels like Sunday.

I don't know why, but I keep feeling the need to post on this blog. Not even necessarily to gain an influx of viewers or followers. But I've been thinking a lot about evolution. I didn't document much of my life during high school and I feel like it would've been nice to have done that, as a way to encapsulate what it felt like to be young to look back on when I'm old. Because I can never seem to maintain a journal, this blog seems like an apropos substitute. Obviously, the touchier, more private details will be left out but chances are they will pop up in other creative outlets in my life. Anyways.

In this same vein, I've been taking more selfies. Or, rather, trying to conquer my fear of selfies. I've always tended to associate this with the Kardashians. I've always assumed that taking selfies is a fundamentally self-absorbed thing to do. But then - and this may sound dramatic but I feel it's true - I kind of realized that I have a small fear of them. I fear to look at my face. And this may make sense only to those who have felt it before, but I do not just fear looking ugly - that's pretty natural, I suppose - I fear looking beautiful, too. Both have the ability to make me feel ashamed.

Isn't that strange? I think anyone who also comes from a past of self-loathing will understand what I mean. (It's a very, very long and treacherous road back to loving yourself). Of course I am afraid that I will look bad in selfies. But I am also afraid to look at a photo of myself and declare that, yes, she's beautiful. Don't be afraid to believe that you're beautiful! It isn't selfish. It's self-care. Furthermore, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I'm a firm believer in a more natural, realistic-looking selfie. I hate Photoshopped, airbrushed, touched-up portraits. It's the stripped down ones that are really gorgeous to me.

I never used to take portraits, but now I've remembered how fun it is. You almost go into this alter ego. You become that more confident half of yourself. Have yourself a merry little photo shoot, guys.

I know this will be one of my cheesier posts to look back on, but that's what's been going on in my head. So I've been taking more portraits this week as a way to challenge myself but also to look back on when I'm old.

As a less-serious aside, I was admiring the way the note I took with a marker on my hand looked so now I'm considering getting a tattoo there. (I've yet to get a tattoo because I can't decide what to get and where). Now I'm gonna go queue some music and try to work on writing some fiction for a while.






Be back soon.

L

Summer Saturday Playlist

Super short playlist for Saturday mornings:

1. Summer Soft by Stevie Wonder
2. This Must Be The Place (Naive Melody) by Talking Heads
3. Passin' Me By by The Pharcyde
4. Rise by Solange
5. For the Summer by Ray LaMontagne
6. Meet Me in the Garden by Dent May
7. California Girls by The Beach Boys



L

The Brilliance of the Female Villian

Yo.

I don't know about you, but an evil woman in a TV show, book, or in a movie is just the best thing that's ever happened to me. Of course, I'm exaggerating but seriously. There's a reason why Maleficent was my favorite Disney villain as a kid.

The complexity and chaos that is a female villain are so fascinating to me. And don't get me wrong, I don't mean a bitch. For example, Jan Levinson à la The Office isn't a female villain because she's not really clever or conniving. She doesn't have a plan. She's just kind of crazy.





Other poor examples include Veruca Salt (spoiled brat) from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory or Dolores Umbridge (spoiled bitch) from Harry Potter. I think the difference between a bitch and a villain is that a villain, although pretty crazy, just kind of knows what's up. There's a method to her madness. There are layers under all of that crazy. They are not compulsive or plain nuts (someone like Bellatrix Lestrange is just nutty). They are calculative.

Furthermore, a true villainess does not work under the instruction of anyone except themselves, so obedient Dolores Umbridge or someone like Jane from Twilight, who works under the Volturi, is out.

Top 5 Qualities of the Female Villainess (According to Me):

1. An intelligent, complex mind - they're always scheming. They are not impulsive. They have a plan for their future and it does not include you.
2. Psychopathic apathy - they screw over anyone and everyone to get what they want... Usually power.
3. Strong ambition - they have a lot that they want.
4. A tendency to kill - along with the psychopathic apathy, they can and will kill to get what they want. And they definitely don't just kill willy nilly.
5. Energy - what the hell do these girls run on? Coffee? Cocaine? Either way, it's like they have no power button.

Okay, so I am insanely excited for you to behold this Female Villain lineup. I love these girls. A lot.

Lady Macbeth | Macbeth

I'm pretty shocked how little photos online there are of Lady Macbeth. No matter, the photo above is Janet Suzman in the 1975 Macbeth. Lady Macbeth has all of the qualities of my idea of the proper Female Villain. She's scheming all of the time, disregarding her husband's well-being because she's so power hungry. She's incredibly over-ambitious, convinces her husband to kill, and the only time we see her remotely weakened is during the whole "out damned spot" bit. My kind of gal.

Amy Dunne | Gone Girl

Okay.. I don't think any of you can comprehend how much I love Amazing Amy. Not only is Gone Girl a fantastic book and Gillian Flynn a great author, but Amy Dunne is one of the best characters I've ever read. Her mind is so complex... She's a true psychopath. Anyone who believes otherwise is a nut. (Disclaimer: Small spoilers in the following paragraph).

What else do you call a woman who frames her husband for her own murder by slowly bleeding herself and mopping it up poorly to stage the crime scene, spending months writing out a diary depicting Nick as a violent abuser, and stealing a pregnant neighbor's urine so that the American public can crucify him for killing his own beautiful, blonde, pregnant wife??? She's the definition of badass. Rosamund Pike really pulled off this role. Perhaps a little too well.

Claire Underwood | House of Cards

F*cking Claire. I love Claire. (I highly encourage you to not read further if you haven't seen House of Cards yet and plan to). 

I really feel that most viewers hate her character. I mean, she's petty, conniving, and, good lord, we even found out in the most recent season that she is willing to kill. I think one reason that I adore her so much is that she is so complicated. She's a person. I really do believe there is a sliver of her humanity somewhere in there, and we see glimpses of it from time to time. She believes that her life is a choice she's made and that she is in too deep to get out, which I have some sympathy for. Other reasons to love Mrs. Underwood: 

She's taking over the world one step at a time (how about that "My turn" line at the end of season 5?!!) while looking flipping amazing the entire time. 

She refuses to live under her husband's shadow and really brings new meaning to the word "feminism". 

She's played by Robin Wright. Need I say more? 

Scarlett O'Hara | Gone With the Wind

Okay, so maybe you're thinking Scarlett isn't a Female Villain. Granted, she's not everyone's idea of a classic "villain", but you have to admit she's pretty evil. Let's go through each characteristic:

She is always scheming. Scarlett is always thinking about how her actions will either gain her something or exact revenge on a particular someone. 

She has zero empathy. She's insanely self-absorbed and despises Melanie Hamilton, the sweetest character in the whole story, for marrying Ashley. The one thing that is different from the other villains listed above is that she does have tons and tons of character development. I think that's why no one considers her to be a true villain. By the end, she realizes all of the selfish decisions she's made and how cruel she's been. But it takes her so so soooo long to get to that place. Poor Clark Gable. (Cue "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn"). 

She has lots of ambition. Scarlett wants heaps of money and love, which was really all anyone could ask for during the Civil War era. So. 

I mean... technically she does kill?? She kills that Yankee soldier. And, honestly, I think if she hadn't promised Ashley to take care of Melanie, she would've left her for dead. 

Scarlett really never gets tired and is always impossibly fresh-looking. But we have to credit Vivien Leigh for most of that. 

That's all, folks! Who's your favorite villainess?

L