About Face

Happy Sunday... During summers I tend to forget what day of the week it is, but somehow Sunday always feels like Sunday.

I don't know why, but I keep feeling the need to post on this blog. Not even necessarily to gain an influx of viewers or followers. But I've been thinking a lot about evolution. I didn't document much of my life during high school and I feel like it would've been nice to have done that, as a way to encapsulate what it felt like to be young to look back on when I'm old. Because I can never seem to maintain a journal, this blog seems like an apropos substitute. Obviously, the touchier, more private details will be left out but chances are they will pop up in other creative outlets in my life. Anyways.

In this same vein, I've been taking more selfies. Or, rather, trying to conquer my fear of selfies. I've always tended to associate this with the Kardashians. I've always assumed that taking selfies is a fundamentally self-absorbed thing to do. But then - and this may sound dramatic but I feel it's true - I kind of realized that I have a small fear of them. I fear to look at my face. And this may make sense only to those who have felt it before, but I do not just fear looking ugly - that's pretty natural, I suppose - I fear looking beautiful, too. Both have the ability to make me feel ashamed.

Isn't that strange? I think anyone who also comes from a past of self-loathing will understand what I mean. (It's a very, very long and treacherous road back to loving yourself). Of course I am afraid that I will look bad in selfies. But I am also afraid to look at a photo of myself and declare that, yes, she's beautiful. Don't be afraid to believe that you're beautiful! It isn't selfish. It's self-care. Furthermore, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I'm a firm believer in a more natural, realistic-looking selfie. I hate Photoshopped, airbrushed, touched-up portraits. It's the stripped down ones that are really gorgeous to me.

I never used to take portraits, but now I've remembered how fun it is. You almost go into this alter ego. You become that more confident half of yourself. Have yourself a merry little photo shoot, guys.

I know this will be one of my cheesier posts to look back on, but that's what's been going on in my head. So I've been taking more portraits this week as a way to challenge myself but also to look back on when I'm old.

As a less-serious aside, I was admiring the way the note I took with a marker on my hand looked so now I'm considering getting a tattoo there. (I've yet to get a tattoo because I can't decide what to get and where). Now I'm gonna go queue some music and try to work on writing some fiction for a while.






Be back soon.

L