First, I had a horrible fight with a friend. Friends with girls are a struggle because there are always so many emotions that come along with it, not to mention other girls picking sides. I've tried my absolute hardest to combat this by trying to take my emotions out of it and look at the situation objectively and rationally, as well as making sure I avoid "teaming-up" tendencies. I seriously have never understood the teaming-up-against-others mindset especially over a personal problem (the girl I had a fight with has not combatted any of this whatsoever but, hey, people are different and react to situations differently).
A lot of girls - especially in groups - have the "you're either with us or against us" approach and I don't get it at all. Life isn't that black and white. There are so many gray areas. It's also difficult finding a balance between standing up for what you believe is right and knowing you made the right decisions for yourself while also trying to have empathy for the other person.
After reaching out to her and her not reciprocating at all, I've spent the week trying to make peace with problems I can't control the outcomes of. I personally don't think the issue was worth ending a friendship over at all, but you can't ever convince someone that you never intended to hurt them if they don't want to believe it. And, at the end of the day, should it really be this hard?
It's just unfortunate and sad because we literally have one month of classes left. Ugh. Girls are hard.
Second, there was a major tragedy at my school wherein an alum committed a brutal hate crime which resulted in the death of the victim. I spent the entire morning at school in the counselor's office with several other black girls I've grown up with crying and talking. We all relieved ourselves of our emotional burdens for a little bit and it was crazy cathartic. I am so glad I was able to sit down with all of them, hug all of them, and say I was there for all of them. Bottom line: being black or mixed is hard in ways one can't ever understand as a white person. Being a person of color at all is hard in ways others can't understand. Trying to understand and listen to us, though, is where mindblowing change can happen.
There's so much shit going on in the world and with globalization, it can be overwhelming to the point that sometimes I just shut down and dissociate myself. But there are problems like police brutality, the crisis in Syria, climate change, animal abuse, endangerment of bees and monarch butterflies, sexism, LGBTQ rights, and others that keep me moving moving moving.
Key lesson of the week: Empathy.
I finished off the school week this evening by seeing one of my best friends, C. She left my school in freshman year to study elsewhere which is lame. But she's seriously my soul sister and being with her makes the problems I was facing with people at my school seem so far away.
We bought groceries. We ate Fig Bars. We pet the store cat. We tried to hunt down a group of skater boys.
I'm off bright and early at 7am tomorrow morning (yes, on a Saturday) for a young feminist leadership conference in D.C. with other members of the Women's Empowerment Club that I co-lead at school. Let's catch up later and I'll take plenty of pictures.
That's all for now.
K
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